Thursday, January 3, 2013

When Life Beats Your Meds

Today is a blog from a personal perspective.

Today, life is beating my meds.  I felt overwhelmed immediately this morning, so I included a Xanax in my morning medicine routine (Lexapro & Zyrtec).  I sat around for most of the afternoon, watching Netflix.  I got up and got ready to go to work, everything was fine.  I showered, did my hair, and moisturized my face. My husband dropped me off at work and I settled in for the evening.  About my third client into the day, I cut my finger.  It didn't feel bad, but it was bleeding quite a bit.  I threw a bandage on it and finished my client.  I went to change the bandage after the client checked out, but all of a sudden I felt extremely emotional and overwhelmed.  I had the biggest urge to start crying.  "I'm sick of cutting myself all the time!" I exclaimed to a coworker... it's part of the job, I know, but it still sucks.  I took another Xanax (I'm allowed three per day), and tried to calm down... but I can't get the feeling to go away.  That particular client and the following one did not leave me any gratuity and that really gets to me too.  Am I not performing at top capacity because of how I feel?  Am I shutting down too much?  It's times like these I have to try and turn off my mind and find something else to do.  I'll probably do some online window shopping, not that it will make me feel a whole lot better.  I guess I could take care of some business emails, but that always ramps up my anxiety, too.

This is a blog-in-the-moment.  I didn't sit down and think about a topic and outline what I was going to cover... I'm flying by the seat of my overly-anxious pants, here.

Stay strong, breathe, and reach out to someone if you need to.  I'm going to try like hell to take my own advice today.

Until next time...

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